The digital world is a terrifying place. Children and young people can be living contentedly and then become exposed to images, videos, or reels that are deeply unsettling and disturbing for them. In fact, adults may even become unsettled just by hearing about these videos. As parents, we have to accept the inevitable—no matter how much we lock down the internet or try our best to monitor what our children or adolescents see, we can’t prevent them from encountering horrific and disturbing material.
So, what do we do? Well, here are a few things to consider:
Firstly, even if we can’t completely prevent our children and adolescents from viewing disturbing material, we can still put safeguards in place to reduce the probability. This means activating various software that provides filters to automatically block offensive material. However, these measures have their limits. It's helpful to normalise to your child that there are horrible and unsettling things on the internet which are unpleasant to view, so they need to be careful. There is no point in denying the reality of the horrors that exist.
If a child is exposed to something violent, disturbing, or unsettling, it's important to normalise and let them know that it’s okay to feel unsettled and disturbed. Allow them a space to talk about how they are feeling and the impact it’s having. If there is a notable change in their behaviour which persists for a significant period (e.g. low mood, anger, nightmares, preoccupation, distance), it may be advisable to seek help.
Now, what type of help can professionals offer? Unfortunately, we can’t get them to “unsee” things, but we can use a broad range of techniques to help. Here is what I would do and what other clinicians or counsellors may be able to offer:
1. Create a Sense of Safety
The first step is to help your child feel safe and supported. It’s important for them to know that their reaction—whether it’s feeling scared, sad, or overwhelmed—is a completely normal response to seeing something disturbing. The aim is to create a calm environment where they feel comfortable sharing as much or as little as they want about their experience. The idea of “containing” their emotions means helping them manage their feelings so they don’t feel too intense or overwhelming.
2. Explore the Experience Gently
Encourage your child to talk about what happened and how it’s affected them, but only if they’re ready. It’s not necessary for them to go into details if they find it too upsetting. What matters most is understanding how the experience has impacted their mood, thoughts, and behaviour. Sometimes, just talking about related thoughts or feelings can be helpful, even if it doesn’t seem directly connected to what happened.
3. Acknowledge Their World Has Been Shaken
For young people who are usually resilient and high-functioning, seeing something disturbing can shake their sense of how the world works. They may feel helpless or hopeless in a way that’s new for them. It can be helpful to validate these feelings, letting them know that it’s okay to feel off-balance. Therapy often provides a “secure base,” where they can regain a sense of stability and begin to feel safe again.
4. Be Aware of Avoidance
High-achieving young people might try to distract themselves or downplay how much they’ve been affected. This is a natural coping mechanism, but it’s important to gently encourage them to look at any feelings they might be trying to push away. Simply acknowledging that it’s okay to not be okay can open the door for them to share what they’re experiencing.
5. Build Emotional Resilience
Therapists often introduce practical strategies to help children manage overwhelming emotions. This could include mindfulness exercises to help them stay grounded in the present, or learning how to identify and regulate their emotional responses. Understanding that their reaction is a normal response to stress can also be empowering.
6. Rebuild a Sense of Control
After feeling powerless, it can be helpful for young people to find small ways to regain control over their lives. This could involve setting small goals, getting back into hobbies, or finding ways to help others. Small actions can make a big difference in restoring their sense of purpose and capability.
7. Look for Underlying Triggers
Sometimes, a strong reaction to a distressing event may connect to deeper feelings or past experiences. If your child seems especially affected, it could be worth exploring whether the event has touched on previous losses, fears, or unresolved issues. Therapy can help unpack why the experience had such a strong impact.
8. Your Role as a Parent
Your support is vital. Creating a steady, emotionally supportive environment at home can make a big difference. It’s okay to let your child take the lead in deciding how much they want to share, while reassuring them that you’re there to listen whenever they need. Being a “holding environment” means being present, calm, and available, without pressuring them to talk.
Hopefully, this helps shed light on some of the ideas that clinicians use when working with children who have been exposed to such material.
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