How to Tell If Your Child Is Symbolising or Just Repeating

She keeps drawing the same thing… over and over.

He keeps telling the same story about being poisoned.

They keep arranging the pillows, exactly like that, every day.”**

As a parent, you see the repetition.

And you ask: Is this doing something, or is this just stuck?

The answer lies in whether the act is symbolising something—or just repeating it.

What’s the Difference?

Symbolising means your child is working something out through action, image, or language.

They may not fully understand what they’re doing—but there’s movement. There’s process.

Repeating, on the other hand, often looks the same on the outside—but nothing shifts on the inside.

Let me show you:

• Symbolising:

Your child draws a monster every week, and over time the monster changes—smaller, sadder, less sharp teeth.

This is a story evolving.

• Repeating:

Your child draws the same monster, with the same teeth, every session.

This is stuckness dressed as expression.

Why Does This Matter?

When a child is symbolising, they’re engaging in something hopeful.

Even if the content is dark, there’s a spark of movement.

When a child is just repeating, we might be seeing symbolic collapse—

It’s like the drawing becomes a wall instead of a window. The act keeps happening, but it’s not letting anything out—or in.

So How Can You Tell?

1. Look for change.

Does the ritual, drawing, or story evolve over time? Even small shifts matter.

2. Look for emotional connection.

When your child does it, do they seem moved, or is it flat, robotic?

3. Trust your gut.

If you feel like you’re watching something alive, they’re probably symbolising.

If you feel like the act is hollow, lifeless—it might just be repetition.

What Should I Do If It’s Just Repetition?

First: Don’t panic.

Repetition is often a response to something overwhelming.

The mind shuts down symbol-making because it’s trying to survive something big.

Your role isn’t to force change—it’s to stay near the repetition, gently, until your child can feel safe enough to try something new.

You can say things like:

“I notice that you’re still drawing that same creature. I wonder if it’s not ready to change yet.”

“I see that you’re lining those toys up again. I’ll sit with you while you do it.”

You don’t need to interpret.

You need to accompany.

It’s okay to wonder aloud. Curiosity is not intrusion—it’s invitation.

And Maybe You’ve Noticed…

That you keep asking the same question.

“Why won’t this change?”

That, too, is a kind of repetition.

You and your child might be stuck together.

Which means… you can move together—when the time is right.

Final Thought

If you’re asking:

“Is this expression, or just repetition?”

then you’re already doing the work.

You’re already listening for meaning.

And that matters more than you know.